


Gifts for the Girl

by DanceBoheme



Category: Uncharted (Video Games)
Genre: F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-08
Updated: 2017-02-08
Packaged: 2018-09-22 23:53:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9630470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DanceBoheme/pseuds/DanceBoheme
Summary: A little drabble based off a picture that the amazing Lady RedHaired made for me- it's funny to us at least, I guess!





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lady_Redhaired](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Redhaired/gifts).



He stood there, with the fluorescent lamps flickering above his head making the creases in his forehead stand out evidently as he puzzled his look. This was the toughest situation he’d ever been faced with, and he’d done thirteen years in a Pamanian prison. So it was nothing to be trifled with.  
  
“Fuck..” he muttered under his breath, his words coarse and confused. He rubbed his forehead vigorously as he looked at all that was on offer. The entire store was out to get him, that much was certain. He’d hunted for treasures and scaled the globe but one thing eluded him.  
  
What tampons to buy his girl..?  
  
Super, light, regular. Which one had she said again? He scanned the rows again and again, which ones weren’t going to offend? He reasoned inside his mind that super could mean one of two things; either her vagina was too large for regular tampons, or that she had a super vagina. A super vagina would have been a hell of a compliment, and he was sure he’d said worse things in the heat of the moment, but… He wasn’t sure what she’d make of that, she might even be offended. Regular made it sound like her lady cavern was the sort of regular vagina you’d dip into occasionally and without consequence or reasoning, and that wasn’t a thing a woman would want to know about. Light? Well yeah, it’d make her seem tight but would it do the job? How did these things even work? He was a guy, guys just didn’t deal with these things normally.  
  
He innately cursed the lord, why had he agreed to this? It had seemed such a simple task at the time.  
  
_“Sure babe, whatever you need”_ The words reverberated inside his head. He was a fucking idiot for having agreed to this. It’d seemed so fucking simple but her girlish giggle should have given him a fucking sign that all wasn’t as it seemed.  
  
Couldn’t it just have been chocolate? He couldn’t have gone wrong there. That was simple. But these things? They all had different flavours, brands he recognised. Why God, WHY, did these fucking things he'd been tasked to buy all have to have different colours? As if the choice wasn’t hard enough already.  
  
As he scanned the rows further, he felt a slight hyperventilation starting within his chest. _“Jesus, hail Mary, Samuel, you’re 45 fucking years old. This shouldn’t be so hard!”_ And yet it was. If there was one thing prison didn’t teach you, it was buying sanitary items for your girlfriend. They really ought to add that to the curriculum. He added a mental note to add that to his memoirs at some point. It might help a bro out at some point.  
  
A middle-aged housewife blushed at him as she picked up some super-sized tampons, and a pack of night pads, whatever the hell that meant. _“Heh”_ he reasoned, _“Her vag is tighter than hers definitely, so regular isn’t that bad, right?”_ He was completely out of his depth and he knew it.  
  
He grabbed a box of each of the boxes, stashing them quickly in his shopping basket and making sure they were hidden beneath the copies of ‘National Geographic’ and ‘Adventure Life’ that he always made sure to buy when visiting a store. He’d also made sure he picked out the ones with pretty colours, girls liked that sort of shit.  
  
“She had better be fuckin’ happy…” he grumbled as he sorted out the contents of his basket, making dead certain that the sanitary items were hidden. He noticed another woman, with a glistened look of admiration as he sorted out his basket. _“Great. Everyone thinks I’m a fuckin’ bitch”_ he internally gloated. This entire ordeal had better mean amazing sex later on. They had enough towels, it was doable.  
  
He groaned audibly as he reached the counter and placed the packets of tampons on the counter precariously as if they were diamonds. _“She’s getting’ the fuckin’ best”_ he reasoned, as he tried so hard to hide the packets from any onlookers.  
  
Samuel Drake was a hero, there was no doubt about it. He knew it, and so you would too. And that was all he needed.


End file.
